Change of Focus

This is mostly a blog about sex. Sex education, sex advice, etc. I'm good at giving people sex advice. I really am. So stay tuned.

But this blog was not always a sex blog. Some people (just a very few people) will remember that I used to write about politics. I have given up on that. I have just deleted all of my previous posts, which turns out to be a bigger shame than I thought it would be. While deleting my previous posts, I also re-read them. I remember them as being inane and ill-informed, which is sort of why I gave up posting on this blog, but it turns out that they were brilliant and hilarious. Who knew I was such a genius? I certainly didn't. My post about HIV-positive police officers in Montreal? Thigh-slappingly funny! My post about secret Conservative plans to infiltrate the Liberal government? Inspired!

But my loyal political readers can be comforted for several reasons:

1) I promise to be just as brilliant and hilarious answering your sex-related questions.
2) Sex and politics often overlap, so you'll get some political posts here and there.
3) I may just post a political rant every once in awhile for posterity anyway, if I feel moved to do so.

Dear Michelle Ravel,

When I try to turn my fuck buddy on with my mouth and hands, he doesn't really respond. I've tried his ears, neck, thighs, etc. He says he just doesn't have any "buttons" and that it doesn't do anything for him.

Where are his hot spots? I want to make him feel good.

Wondering


Dear Wondering,

I can't tell you what his hot spots are over the internet. Everyone has different erogenous zones, and everyone likes different kinds of stimulation.

That said, I think that his PENIS is a pretty safe bet for a hot spot. Try that one.

Michelle Ravel

I know I haven't updated for awhile. It's just that the Canadian scene has been a real yawn lately. I mean, so we find out that the government are crooks and waste billions of our tax dollars. What a surprise. I never saw that coming. The Prime Minister claims to be clueless, prompting many to make the brilliant observation that he must be either a liar or really stupid. Well, he always seemed to be both of those things to me.

In other boring news, some talk-show guy comes to Toronto to talk for a few days. He insults the Quebecois, believing that English-speaking Canada will find this uproarious, since they insult francophones themselves all the time. Little did he guess that we have a strange sibling relationship with Quebec, best decribed by paraphrasing Davey from Anne of Green Gables, "I pull my sister's hair all the time, but I sure won't let anyone else pull it."

None of this really got my ranty juices flowing. But this. This really, really pisses me off. You've heard of Canada Reads? It's a yearly CBC special where five minor pundits choose a piece of Canlit, and then they do a Survivor showdown where each book is voted off until a final novel, which Canada must now Read, is left.

Well, people voted off Barney's Version. Yes, Barney's Version, the unbelievably excellent novel by the ridiculously gifted novelist Mordecai Richler. WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS?!? Amateurs! Hacks! What do they know about literature? What do they know about anything? One of them is the freakin' mayor of Winnipeg, you know. I think he's way too mentally unstable to be managing a city. I think all of these people have problems. I think they all have something majorly wrong with them. I think they should all burn in hell for all eternity. I think that I should go cry now.

I wrote a rant on the CBC website. This was even before Barney's Version was voted off.

Please, in the comments section, would people post really nice, long diatribes about how great Mordecai Richler is? Be as specific as possible. Use quotes and references if needed. It would make me feel better.